guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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