I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
