You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
