you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
