I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
