There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
