i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
