Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
