Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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