She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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