I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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