My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
