His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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