so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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