He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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