Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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