im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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