dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
