you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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