even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
