She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
