census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
