One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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