I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
