I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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