can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
