I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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