Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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