Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
