remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
