ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
