Barsexuality is the new black.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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