god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
