How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
