I'm drive I can fine osifer
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
