I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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