Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
