Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
