Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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