I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
