He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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