That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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