Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
