I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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