dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
