If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
