guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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