first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
