hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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