"it" just moved
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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