Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
