One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
