I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
