I looked at my own cervix.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
