hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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