He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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